For Dyson
Not publishing my Tumblr posts on Facebook is liberating.
I still have nothing to write about.
I asked my boyfriend for inspiration and he said, “Dyson.”
So Dyson - this one is for you.
Oh mighty Dyson Animal vacuum, hymns of never ending praise will be sung in your honor, marble statues will adorn your shrines, hordes of loyal followers will tremble at your feet!
Which is just another way of saying: OMAGAAAAAAAH BEST VACUUM EVAAAAAAAAAAAR!
You don’t understand. I have a lot of very long and very thick hair - so much hair that anyone who has ever lived with me can attest to the fact that a forest of my discarded hair with intricate vines and branches that rival the Amazon grows within a week. Add that to my cat who sheds and tracks litter wherever she walks and you have a giant cat/human/litter hairball monster with +1000 endurance and 3 extra lives.
Vacuuming with Dyson is like that moment in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance when you create just the right blend of a team so that you can finally defeat everyone in Asgard. It’s magical.
And yes, I’m aware that it’s lame that I’m this excited about a vacuum.
But don’t you think it’s impressive that I still manage to be a 12-year old boy while simultaneously becoming an old domesticated woman?
Must be my high midichlorian count.
